Visionary
My best friend is nowhere to be seen
Invisible
But by no means imaginary
Because imaginary friends play sidekick
And we both know who the creative one is.
I roll my eyes
Spooning sugar in two paper cups of lemonade
My best friend is often misheard
Silent
But by no means inarticulate.
I chew on a word too unwieldy for my mouth
I'm missing 6 teeth, after all,
"Chagrin" "cholesterol"
We toss it back and forth
Pontificating like adults
Giggling like children
My best friend is absent at inconvenient times
Tardy
But not without apology
Swollen eyes under lopsided glasses, blinking back
An imagination too vast for these hunched shoulders and little breaths
At the far corner of the bathroom
Invisible. Pretending.
He pats my back
With one-handed awkwardness, sense of duty of
A best friend
My best friend was always a listener
Subtle
Tonight: pale
Why are your lips still, your gaze evasive
As I grow and you shrink?
As you're forgotten, yet again, home in the toy chest
As I hand in the piece of me
That is you
For my new best friend.
My best friend is nowhere to be seen
I have closed my eyes.
As I hand in the piece of me
That is you
For my new best friend.
My best friend is nowhere to be seen
This is a really beautiful poem and i really love the best friend painted here. My main comment is that he was described in just enough detail that i felt i wanted a fuller picture of him than i got. Maybe its just a desire to know more of his impact on you or what forced you to close your eyes but i guess despite the vaguety of poetry i wanted a bit more explanation because i was a little confused along the way as much as i was following these really great images in succession.
ReplyDeleteI like the language used for this poem. It was simple, yet effective for the most part. My only concern was that it may be a little too ambiguous. I am unsure what the deal is with the friend. Is he real or not? Is it about a bad friend maybe? Maybe you were ambiguous on purpose? Also, I liked the line "I chew on a word too unwieldy for my mouth" - it was a nice image that you set up well.
ReplyDeleteThe subject matter is great! I actually laughed when you write that you prepared two cups of lemonade for the friend. That scene conveys how real you thought he was. You even prepared tangible food for him. I like the structure of beginning with "My friend is...." It adds symmetry and balance.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the fact that you blame your misunderstanding of words on your lack of teeth, and the play on the word 'chew' is quite funny. This is actually quite a humorous poem.
To clear up the ambiguity over the new best friend, maybe write "the new best friend who is seen, heard, present...all the traits which your imaginary friend wasn't - it might make a nice contrast, and clarify that the new best friend is referring to the actual friends you are making as you grow up.
Good job on specific verbs such as 'spooning', 'chew' , 'chuckles'- try to do that for other verbs.
I definitely smiled as I read this poem because you have a huge imagination! I am still unsure who this friend is and you for sure got my mind thinking. I like the third stanza a lot. I find it to be very descriptive, which is great because you are really 'showing' here. well done!
ReplyDeleteThe idea of your poem is great. However is it seems ambiguous as to whether you can actually see this Best friend or not. If your eyes are closed, than you would not be able to see that your Best friend is looking "Pale". The word choice seems puzzling in context. However, I like the imagery a lot.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of intriguing moments in this poem, and I read it in general as a poem about the power of a child's imagination. It is a fairly in-depth treatment of the idea of the imaginary friend, and it positions the speaker as a child, who brings to life a new imaginary friend with each new favorite toy.
ReplyDeleteThe title is effective and suggestive, because it adds a layer of meaning to the poem. The title is asking us to consider the friend as visionary, meaning important and spiritually revealing. This is a serious and respectful treatment of childhood, and I like that about it very much.
The ambiguity that other mentioned didn't bother me. After the third reading it all clicked, and the poem didn't push me away.
Some things do seem to go nowhere, though, like the idea of feeding words to the invisible friend. That puzzled me in a way that didn't take me anywhere.
Another thing I want to call out relates to words that imply causality, like "since" and "because." Poems are often better off without these words, and I recommend being skeptical of them. It often works better to let the causality be IMPLIED rather than stated, so that the readers fills in the blank with her imagination. For example, I think your poem's ending will be stronger if you go with this:
My best friend is nowhere to be seen.
I have closed my eyes.
But nice work on this memory poem in general. I found it intriguing.
Updated: photo, causal words, second stanza
ReplyDeleteI really like the mix of ideas and imagery--the way every stanza starts with a more abstract observation but ends with a concrete, creatively-written image. I'm somewhat torn about the symmetry in the poem, though. I like that each stanza begins with "My best friend," but I think the "my best friend is x but by no means y" pattern which you start out with is a little too neat. It also unravels about halfway through the poem--which maybe would make an interesting statement in a longer poem, but here feels somewhat incomplete. (I would also suggest "but not y" instead of "by no means y"--which is a bit of a mouthful).
ReplyDeleteUpdated: cutting clutter words (always, who, into, that…); fitting the third and fourth stanzas (mostly) into the form
ReplyDeleteI love love this poem- the imagery here is so sharp and masterfully descriptive. I see the pictures you're painting of your imaginary friend so clearly that it barely feels imaginary!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would comment on is something I'm very often guilty of- the one-word lines. I think you can combine them with the next line below it- e.g., "Invisible, but by no means imaginary". It allows the lines to contrast more sharply with each other when juxtaposed.
""Chagrin" "cholesterol"
We toss it back and forth
Pontificating like adults
Giggling like children"
This is my favorite stanza, because you managed to capture show don't tell so perfectly here. You don't tell me "we both struggled to pronounce unwieldy words in our small mouths with teeth half knocked out"- instead you say ""chagrin" "cholesterol"'. You don't say "we tried to act like grown ups, but we were still really kids", you say "pontificating like adults", the word pontificating itself implying an adult pretension, and "giggling like children", with giggles an inherently childlike word and action. Beautifully done!