Seasonal (Haiku)
Smokey frost “crunch” underfoot
Carves craters of slush
Grey whites sweat to bright
Greens and young minty breeze “crunch”
Small feet rhubarb patch
Winds warm to thirsty
Sighs frying tortoise haze “crunch”
And spit apple seeds
Summer’s exhale swirls
With winter’s drawing breath “crunch”
Leaves no time for pause
These are beautiful haikus and they go together so well! Are they each a reference to a different season? If so, that's a really cool concept. I love that the cutting word for all of them are "crunch"-- interesting choice!
ReplyDeleteThe first haiku confuses me. Really the last line only confuses me. The first two, as I see it, portray a state of ice in winter, but what is this "New bundle at chest"? I am not sure. That line doesn't really convey anything clear to me.
ReplyDeleteThe second haiku is consistent about spring. The small feet in the rhubarb patch image is magical to me. I love it. It is a perfect image of youth in springtime. I love how the feet could be either children or animals and it still works.
The third one is a paen to summer. The last line brings people into it and suggests our human pleasure in this season. "Warm winds to crackling blaze" confuses me, because it makes me thing of a forest fire, which doesn't fit with the last line.
The opening of the fourth haiku is fantastic--the best writing in the poem. It suggests the interconnectivity of seasons--with one season breathing out as the other breathes in, setting in motion the fall leaves. These lines are vivid, smart, and perfectly in tune with the season. Nice job.
I like how you thread "crunch" through all the seasons when it is a word normally reserved for Fall, so thats really cool. I think that in the third and fourth, the way you incorporated the word is a little more cumbersome but still works. Simple theme with great imagery - great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved the word "crunch" as we all know the feeling of stepping on a leaf thats hardened and it really made me feel as if I myself was crunching a lead when I read it. Rather than making crunch a word thats strictly for fall you incorporated it into other seasons as well which was really cool. I didn't really love "feather flecks glitter" or the first haiku in general as much as the others, it just didn't convey winter to me as much as lets say the last haiku, the one on summer did to me. In fact, I think the last one may have been my favorite. Overall though, I thought this was great writing and really loved reading through them!
ReplyDeleteUpdated: last line haiku 1, "thirsty sighs" "tortoise haze" haiku 3
ReplyDelete